the beat of my heart

I was just reading a post by my friend Amy at The Adventures of JAMC about the precious little moments she spends with her sons. She knows how special those moments are in the midst of their chaotic life, and holds them dear to her heart as a reminder of what is really important in life. 

Her words brought tears to my eyes, because I know exactly how she feels. Those sweet moments with our children are so precious to our hearts, yet they become more and more rare as our babies grow up. As I read, the words of one of my favorite songs popped into my head.

So listen with all your heart, hold it inside forever
You may find all your dreams have already come true
Look inside and find the part that’s leading you
Cause that’s the beat of the heart

My own little boy is growing up more and more each day. The quiet moments of just sitting quietly together don’t happen much, and though he shows his love for us more, he also grows more independent.

Instead of letting me help with a task, he now pushes my hand away so he can continue to try on his own. Instead of depending on me for entertainment, he now enjoys playing by himself. Instead of being carried, he now prefers to walk on his own feet.

Mama is becoming obsolete. 

So each time he comes by for a snuggle, I make sure to live solely in that moment. I breathe in the smell of baby shampoo that we still use, even though the baby scent is slowly fading from our home. I memorize the round baby face and chubby thighs that are growing longer and thinner. I find silent joy in the way he taps a finger on my arm as he concentrates on something else, as though to make sure that I’m still there.

This little boy is truly the beat of my heart. In coming into the world and changing us from a couple to a family, he has made all my dreams come true – even the ones I didn’t know I had yet. No matter what has happened during my day, just seeing that little face makes it all go away. And I know that everything is OK because I have all I need right here in my home. 

And I’ve realized something while writing this. Growing up is a part of life and us mommies have to deal with it. But you know something? Maybe, just maybe, growing up is God’s way of showing us how to love each other even more.