I've been a working mom for close to two years now. It hasn't been easy, but it's not a situation I'm able to change right now. Unfortunately.
I've tried really hard to find (and keep up with) a good work-life balance. To be able to put in a full day at work then come home and be Suzy Homemaker. And after all this time I still don't have a clue how to do it.
The days I take off to stay home with my son (one or two days a month) I feel like SuperMom. I can clean up the house, spend time with him, and still have time to do fun things for myself when he naps. Everything gets done, and it is lovely.
On the other hand, on normal working days it's all I can do to take care of myself. After putting in a long day at work and taking care of the boychild I don't even want to go in the kitchen, much less cook dinner.
I'm not sure how long I can go on with this balancing act, but what I hate most is that I'm missing this special time with my son. Every day has the potential to become a special memory, and my heart aches to think of the memories I'm missing.
The guilt kills me. I feel guilty, so guilty, that I only see my son for 2 too-short hours each day. I feel guilty that my son is being raised by another woman more so than I, and that he is starting to call her 'Ma-ma'. That hurts more than anything I've ever experienced before motherhood.
I don't want to do this anymore. Time is slipping away too fast. I want so badly to be able to have this precious time with my son. DH is approaching 6 months at his job and I'm praying that he gets a nice fat raise soon so I can live my dreams.
Because that's all I really want.
Doesn't it feel good to pour your heart out sometimes? I hope you are able to find the balance between the two...or maybe you will have the chance to be a SAHM if that's what you want. I love being a SAHM and I feel so thankful that I can be there every minute of every day. Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteP.S. The new layout looks nice!
http://vandylandmommy.blogspot.com
Putting my son in day care so I can return back to work is something I already stress about. Just know that he loves you and you are doing what you can for him.
ReplyDeleteI hope he gets that big fat raise so that you are able to do what you want!
ReplyDeleteHoping for that big raise for your husband.
ReplyDeleteFollowing from Blog Frog. Looking forward to your post.
ReplyDelete~Melissa
http://www.mnmrheinlander.blogspot.com
http://www.twitter.com/MSRheinlander
I'm hoping for that big fat raise too!! I was a working mom and missed out on the early years with my older two, but have been home with my youngest. It's a hard transition, but well worth it. I hope you get what you want!!! Keep us posted!
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