Milestones

Milestones are a big part of our culture. We keep track of dates and anniversaries with enthusiasm, and why shouldn't we? They're something to look forward to and memories to look back upon. They are part of what defines us as people.

During pregnancy, each week and each trimester are counted eagerly. Each marker passed is an achievement, something to be celebrated. The first trimester means a lower risk of miscarriage. A few weeks later morning sickness usually disappears. Then you find out the sex, and so forth. Each of these markers brings us a step closer to meeting that baby.

As Mommies, we're even more fanatical about keeping track of our babies milestones. We measure and record their first poop, first smile, teeth, and all the way on to steps and words. We take great pride in these achievements, because in a small way we all think their success reflects on us and our mothering abilities.

There are other personal milestone though, too. Some aren't as worthy of celebration as others. Yesterday was one of those milestone for me; it marks the one year anniversary of the date I returned to work.

DH and I knew for most of my pregnancy that I would have to return to work. I thought I was OK with that & even preferred it that way. I had never wanted to be a SAHM, so the financial necessity for me to work wasn't an issue.

That all changed when my son was born. The day we were to leave the hospital, I had a meltdown and sobbed to my mother that it wasn't fair that I had to work and that I "never wanted to go back there." I was fortunate enough to have an extended maternity leave, but still had a tough time adjusting when I did return to work.

I never thought this anniversary would even be noticeable when it passed, but a few weeks ago I noticed it approaching on the calendar. I started a sick little countdown and kept count of the days left until I reached that day.

I'm not surprised that I made it the year, but I have to admit that a little part of me didn't expect to still be there. I wasn't something I had even thought about until the past few weeks.

Now that the day has passed, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. I had a few tears last weekend (mostly due to current stress at work and not as a result of this anniversary). Now I've started a new countdown, & there is a pretty good chance that I may be able to quit sooner than I thought! More on that later - now I'm going to be late for work.