So, when are you and your husband going to have another baby?
I was going to write about this anyway, but a girl at work asked me about it recently. I'm not friends with this girl, and it's a pretty personal question for someone I barely know to be asking me. For most people, I know it's an innocent question of simple curiosity, and usually that's fine. But the way she asked was very rude and I didn't know quite how to respond so I just said "I wish people would stop asking me that!" Thankfully, she laughed and one of my friends who was sitting with us swooped in to change the subject.
When I was pregnant, DH and I decided that we'd like to wait at least three or four years before trying for another. We wanted to be able to have time with the Munchkin and enjoy him and his firsts before adding another baby to the mix. Plus, by then he would be old enough to help with some small things and be a little more independent and self-sufficient. (Side note: I have no idea how other moms manage "two under 2." No. Idea.)
Now, I'm not so sure. Some days I'm on top of everything and am totally channeling SuperMom. Some days I feel like I can barely take care of myself, let alone one kid. I have enough anxiety to deal with now, and I'm afraid it would be even worse with a second child. I don't know that I could handle parenting two children - not because I can't, but because I worry that I wouldn't be able to be a good mom to more than one. I constantly get distracted and have a terrible time focusing on just one thing at a time. I'd rather dedicate all of that focus on the child I already have and concentrate on raising him well.
I don't think I have any business even thinking about another one right now. And, as long as I'm working, I know there's no way I can handle another kid (but on the other hand, I don't know how people can support 2 children on one average salary while the other spouse stays home).
But who knows? Maybe in another year or so things will be different and I'll be ready and waiting eagerly for baby #2.
Either way, I feel like there's a great deal of expectation from society that a couple should start planning for the next child when the first is about 18 months old. Most people know that Munchkin is about that age now, and I feel like they're starting to wonder about this (even if they don't voice those thoughts). Our parents are probably thinking about it, and some other people are just nosy. All that pressure makes me really nervous, and I usually try to just avoid these conversations altogether.
Even so, it's the giant elephant in the room that I really, really hope people don't talk about. I can never come up with anything on the spot besides something generic like "we'll see" or "we haven't decided yet", but I'd like to come up with something witty and discouraging that lets them know it's none of their business in a such a way we can all laugh an move on. But that only seems to happen in the movies.
If you've been in this situation before, how did you deal with the dreaded question? Or, did you welcome it and share the information freely?
We have 3 children (7,5 and 1). I am a stay at home Mom and I homeschool the two oldest. You can do it and find ways to cut back to stay home. We live in Los Angeles so it's private school or terrible public schools. We decided to homeschool to save for a couple years toward Catholic schools later on. It's not easy but the children are each a grade ahead and involved with lots of activities. I guess my point is that it's possible to be a STAHM if you really want it bad enough. We also live in a spacious condo instead of a "house" to save $ on mortgage. We're lucky enough to have a park within a 5 minute walk though. Hang in there. Take a look at everything you spend and see where you can cut.
ReplyDeleteHi. I found you on SITS. I'm following you now. Anyway, yes, I get asked that a lot. My daughter just turned 3 a few weeks ago. When my hubby & I 1st got married we planned on having 2. But once I got preg & really hated being preg & hated giving birth (I was in labor for 24 hrs & pushed for 3 hrs & 40 min) & now it's really hard with a 3 year old drama queen. I've decided that I can't handle another. I have lots of anxiety too. It's hard with her going through the stage she is at now. My hubby still wants another, but I'm pretty sure that I'm done. I just turned 40 in June. We don't have a lot of people to help us. It's mostly me & her like 9 or 10 hrs a day. But I'm not sure how to answer that question. I usually just say I'm all done & then add that I'm 40. I figured that would shut them up. Of course then they say "Oh, people are having kids in their 40's now". Ugh, then what do I say? I think having a 2nd child is a big thing & we should really think about it before we do it. You'll know when you are ready for another 1. Sorry that I went on so much. I think I'm going to do a post about this too.
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