Jill

This is a post I don't want to write. I'll write about my vacation later, but today I have some sad news.

I don't even know how to write this so I guess I'll just say it - we lost our sweet doggy Jill over the weekend.

On Saturday I got a call from the hubs that one of our dachshunds, Jill, had somehow been injured and couldn't walk. He'd taken her to the vet and x-rays showed that she had slipped a disk in her back.After talking with the vet, he could have pursued treatment options ranging from a special diet and steroid injections to a $7,000 surgery and rehab. Unfortunately, we don't have the financial resources to pay for those treatments, and it just wouldn't be right to make her try to survive without any treatment. She wouldn't be the same dog and she wouldn't have enjoyed any quality of life. After agonizing over the options, he finally decided that the most humane thing to do for her was to put her down (I hate saying that, and I hated writing it just now. I know it's the "nice" way to say it but it still sounds so crude and final to me).

He didn't call me about all this until afterwards. God bless him. I'm so thankful to be married to this wonderful, selfless man.He shouldered all this responsibility so that my vacation would be uninterrupted for as long as possible and that I might not have to struggle with the choice as he had. I recognize how difficult that was for him, and I know he's still struggling with it.I appreciate how he handled the situation, but I still wish I could have been there, both to support him and to say goodbye to Jill.

It still doesn't feel real. I'm looking back through her puppy pictures now and it's hard to believe she's not snoozing over in the corner. I feel like she's going to get up and stretch any second and come over for a belly rub.

I feel so guilty, too. I feel guilty to think that we could have somehow prevented it. I feel guilty for not giving her a better goodbye when I left on Thursday. I feel guilty for not being able to be there with DH as he made the decision, and for not being with her then. I feel guilty that I hadn't taken any pictures of her recently, and sad that Will won't remember her as he grows up.

I feel sad for Jack. She was part of his pack, and they spent all their time together. As much as they fought, they were best buddies and they depended on each other. If one was missing, the other would be out of sorts and anxious until they were found. Now Jack's been wandering around the house periodically looking for her. Even when he's just lying in his bed he'll occasionally look around and whine. I know it's going to take some time for him to get used to being the only dog, but I feel so bad for him. DH and I are both trying to give him extra attention and love, and we're being extra careful to pick him up and not let him jump or twist to try to protect his back.

She was part of our family for nearly 4 years, and I know we'll all miss her. I really don't have anything else to say. For those of you with pets...go give them a squeeze.

Jill 
November 2006-August 21, 2010

heading home from Georgia right after we picked her up.

tiny, tiny puppy

curled up with Jack and Daddy

playing tug-o-war with Jack

best buds

definitely the "alpha" dog - she walked all over Jack, literally

sleeping, her favorite activity